Before the Real Smile (Project Semicolon)


After I have finished my college, I worked in advertising company in Manila, Philippines. I was young and innocent in the city but it never became a hindrance to pursue my dreams. My two years experience at work was challenging and a little bit confusing because I always think, "Why people here are so competitive?" I don't know why they were always fighting just for some stupid things. People get mad at you easily and some people will like you. If you are emotionally weak, you're gonna lose the game. And if you show them how strong or stubborn you are, they will be your friends. I know that I was lucky enough for that job. I can go wherever I want, buy anything, and live however I want. I know I was too young for that kind of life, but I ignored and just go with it, for I am sure that those things gonna end. For my two years working in company, there were bad things that has always happened. I got sick and it's almost killed me. I need to leave my job and take a rest.That time, I was full of regret and anger to myself. I have so many questions that no one can answer, not even my therapist nor my parents. 

In year 2012, I was diagnosed as bipolar. That's when my doctor said and I was like so dumb. A lot of changes happened in my life from that day and I don't even know how to get up again. I need a check up from my doctor twice a month, or more, if needed. I got in and out of the hospital a lot of times in those three years. I lost my job three times. I was hopeless and depressed every time I think about that.

Then one time, I realised I need to help myself. After three years of suffering, my therapist noticed that I am improving. That was the time I thought of helping, care and get myself out of the situation that made me feel weak for such a long time. I got options, to visit my doctor and take all the prescribed medicines, but it doesn't make me better. I feel like there is no changes happening. So I go for my second option. I tried getting attached with my friends again and tell them everything that happened to me. It's better and safe so I continue hanging out with them. That's when I realised I miss being happy and to smile again. I joined some groups in my church and it helped a lot. I started to work again and make myself busy. I started to believe in myself again. 

I realised that believing in yourself is important than just relying in others in that kind of situation. There are some people who are full of words and wisdom that you need to listen and accept. But above all, just be yourself, what, when, where or however you want to be. Believe that good thing will always happens, you just have to wait and make a step to find it. No pressure. Prayer is helpful. Always believe that God exist. You can never go back to your past, but with God's guidance, every step forward will be easy and peaceful.

This is not the end of my story, this is my new beginning. - cha marcelino

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